Jenna: The Morning After

Scene:

Bright beams of morning light stream through the unshuttered window and my heavy eyes open slowly. Vision bleary, head aching from lack of sleep and hydration, I quickly take account of my surroundings. This is not my bed. This is not even my borough. I am sleeping in someone else's old tshirt and I have no idea where the closest subway is. Where do I have to be today? When do I have to be there? Can I be wearing the same thing I wore last night? My whole day is turning into a walk of shame and I haven't even left the bed yet.

On the other hand, I'm being spooned, quite comfortably, this bed is warm, and I don't really mind the guy snoring softly in my ear, at present. Our feet are touching and its kind of sweet. Last night was fun, and though I know we don't have a morning's worth of conversation in us, I don't exactly want to dine and dash. Maybe I'll just lay here for awhile until he wakes up and we both start to feel a little awkward. Plus, I need directions to the train. I think I might be in Queens.

So riddle me this. How do you handle the morning after with someone you don't know that well? For you snarky people out there who answered "don't go home with them"...when was the last time you had some fun? You should try it sometime, asshole. I am open to actual ideas though. I sleep out a lot. I don't always have the sex when I spend the night with someone, however. I'm not that bad. But for the last few years, I've lived in one of the most geographically undesireable locations in all of New York when it comes to getting home late. I'm moving soon...which will change a lot of things, but that's a subject for another blog. Based on this fact, though, I have seen my share of apartments in this city (and several outer boroughs) by the grey light of morning. And its usually fine, but there is a bit of discomfort in knowing what to do next. A lot of the mystery is gone, obviously. It somehow cheapens the experience to discuss sports, the weather, or what i studied in undergrad when I was enjoying the throes of passion mere hours before. Its a little too late for first date banter, now. But its not as if this guy is my insta-soulmate, either. I don't want to tell secrets or discuss my plans for the future. So what's the happy medium here?

General conversation topics I find safe are adorable pets may have sighted, books that appear on his bedside table, how much he pays for the big and or convenient apartment he lives in, etc. Nothing too complex. You can always get into the whole "I had a really great time last night", which can transition into an early morning repeat performance if you both fancy it. Depending on how much I like the guy and if I still look like a human by the light of day, I might try my hand at charm. A little "Good morning sunshine," never killed anyone and worst case scenario, I look dorky. I try to avoid saying things like..."Man, was I wasted last night. That got out of hand."...but I'm not always successful.

If you're like me and don't like to chit chat early morning, you'll pretend to be asleep (or go back to sleep) til your new friend wakes up and invent somewhere cool you have to be fairly soon. It makes you seem important and in demand. Sometimes, I actually have something important to do...in which case this day is fucked. But I will smirk to myself about it, probably call a friend or two to brag, and be generally more satisfied with my actions than I would like to admit. Not to mention relaxed.

And the long train ride home gives me just enough time to collect my thoughts, take out my smart phone, and blog about it :). Mission accomplished.