Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Jenna: Seeing Is Believing
I did it. I went on a date brought into action by the wonders of the internet. And ladies and gentlemen, I survived. Turns out I just had to bite the bullet and DO it. It wasn't even half bad...and the experience overall was a highly valuable one.
After a brief exchange (most of which was initiated by my colleague, Kat, because I was too busy bitching about the difficulty of beginning contact with anyone to actually do so), I agreed to meet an Internet Guy at a bar for a drink a few weeks ago.
The day was spent regretting this decision and worrying about how potentially embarrassing this whole situation could prove. As social as I am, I'm also pretty easily flustered and can prove an uncomfortable date. I have my theories about this which all lead back to a lack of confidence and probably fear of commitment...but that's another discussion entirely. Either way, I can't say I was exactly looking forward to my date, despite the fact that this is what I joined the cyber cruising community to accomplish in the first place.
I saw a show in Williamsburg at the Brick Theatre earlier that evening with a friend. The play was one of the more brilliant and thrilling pieces of theatre I'd seen in a long time (Infectious Opportunity, by James Comtois...who is probably a genius) and left me feeling refreshed, excited, almost giddy about all things life. I was truly intellectually and artistically stimulated, and it put me in great mind space to meet/talk to somebody new.
So I haul ass back to the city (I was still late, but this is indicative of who I am that someone should start getting used to sooner rather than later) to meet this guy for a drink. I am ready. Internet Guy was totally nice and we proved to have lots of things in common (he's involved in the arts as well) and carried on an excellent and lengthy conversation. He was a great sport about the meet a new person and go with it thing and we didn't have an awkward time of it at all. The unfortunate part is that despite all of these lovely aspects of him, I wasn't attracted to him in a way that made me want to be on a date. I would totally be friends with this guy and think he's awesome. Sometimes that spark isn't there though, and there's really not much to be done about it. Two bourbons later, we parted ways and said goodnight, mentioning what a nice time we'd had, but nothing more really. Though I got the feeling he wanted to hang out again.
He sent me a text the next day that I didn't know how to respond to, mentioning that he'd had a really nice time the night before. I chickened out and didn't respond...not wanting to have to break the news that I just wanted to be friends, and not even sure that it was an appropriate thing to do. What is the etiquette here? I figure most people aren't on dating websites and going out with others because they're looking for new friends...though I could be wrong. I wanted him to get the point without my having to come clean, of course, but I obviously also sort of ruined the possibility of us being pals with my negligence in responding to his communication. I feel bad, but it seemed like the gentlest option, and perfectly valid seeing as how we'd only met once. I probably should've emailed him. It would have been the brave and respectable thing to do.
But I never claimed to be a respectable woman. Though I must say, although I'm not about to focus on it, I haven't quite given up on dating via the interweb. And I've learned something new about myself. I win.